I just wanna cry
I need to gain my self-control
I have went too far from where I should be
I am not the old me anymore
The old me who used to obsess over every little details
I miss the time when I abused laxatives and drank gallons of diet coke
I used to buy diet pills secretly and purge all meals that I have eaten
Buying small sizes of clothes so I could use it as motivations to lose more and more
Staring at skinny girls and say that I am fat as cow
Didn't sleep at night just because I stalked skinny girls and binge anorexia movies just to trigger myself to starve
I could bear eating nothing for days just to feel the hips bones and to see my non prominent rib cage
Throwing away all the foods and hide it in my pocket
But now I am worthless piece of fat
Hiding under baggy clothes because I have gain too much weight
I never picture me getting this fat and ugly again
All pimples I get on my face right now make me feel freaking insecure until I hate looking at myself again
The cycle is unstoppable. Binge, purge and starve.
Why the hell this happens to me? I am so fragile, I lost myself in words so much
But how can someone be so perfect and learn to love their own flaws?
I feel so suicide right now.